Does your "Bedroom Performance" need a change of mind.

Does your "Bedroom Performance" need a change of mind

When you dont feel in the mood but you know you should.

So what happens in those times when we just can't be bothered with having to get naked and romp around. when all we really feel like doing is snuggling up under the new fur blanket and watching the latest episode of (...........well you fill the gap).

Yet we know we are making a habit out of this abstenance lark and we still deeply love our partner. Infact we just can't understand why we dont want to jump their bones like we did when we first met.

Is it that our work is just too demanding?

Is it the chores that have made us resent the people we keep a house clean for?

Could it be that life has become flat and just mundane.

Or is it that we are so comfortable in our little bubble of life that we have become lazy and preoccupied with .... well anything really other than joining together in sexual bliss with the one we say we love, say is our choice and expect to be there for us on a lifetime basis.

The answer my friend is profound yet simple.

Change your mind!

A once wise not so old vicar explained to me that love was so much more than a feeling, it was a choice. That to feel love for someone continually everyday and not be blood related to them was a near on impossibility. However if everyday you chose to love that person (despite the bad morning breath ,the snoring as well as the habitual untidiness) and know that the feelings of love will eventually catch up then you are really in the right place.

Now im not saying stay with someone no matter what. I am saying stay with them despite the feelings that you know over time have fluctuated and led you into arguments that really were just a unproductive use of your time. Just think all that time wasted being angry and upset because the 'feeling' was not in the right place at the right time, instead you could have been experiencing some amazing sex with someone who has supported you,cared for you and loved you for a considerable time. Remember you too have those annoying little habits!!!!

So How Do I Change My Mind?

I have mentored many couples and found a simple yet effective way in which to change your mind about being in the mood for sex.

Answer: You don't have to be in the mood for sex, you just have to be willing to be put in the mood.

Explain to your partner that you do love them and you know your feelings cannot always be relied upon to be an accurate reflexion of what you really feel. Then explain that although you don't feel in the mood for sex right now you are more than willing for them to try to get you in the mood.

Remember you are not agreeing to sex as you are not in the mood at this moment, but you are agreeing to them trying their best to get you in the mood. (after all they know what buttons to press).

This takes the pressure off you to perform and allows your partner the connection that they require to, lets say get a foot in the door (coz we all know that very few of us, once placed in the mood for sex, turn it down).

This is a two way process and as such you have to be Willing to be put in the mood . This is not a game of overpowerment (unless thats your thing :).

Once you find this technique beginning to work for you, incorporate some time in the day to just close your eyes and imagine the process of your partner turning you on. Imagine the texture of their mouth, the warmth of their breath and the sensation of their touch.

Make the colours vivid in your mind, hear the sounds that you and they will make.

The more you imagine, the more your unconscious mind believes its true and this leads to a better experience for you and your partner.

So the next time you are willing to place yourself in your lovers hands, be surprised at how near to the romantic novels life can be.

Penelope Pedley